Fighting Against Myself | Control

Today I’ll be talking about an addiction of mine. Masturbation. Its sometimes a little difficult to talk about due to the stigma associated with the act itself. I thought that this was definitely something that fitted in with today’s Daily Post, so here it goes.

Its been a really long journey so far. Many times I have tried, many times I have relapsed. In many ways, I feel like my mind being wired to think that it is okay to reward myself for streaks where I don’t masturbate is pretty much my downfall. In many ways, I’m quite thankful that I have discovered how bad this addiction is at a younger age. I don’t want to look back at my life thinking how much time I have wasted on such a terrible deed.

Let me get one thing straight. I don’t like p**n. I find it disgusting and that is not my source for stimulation if that requires clarification. A lot of my stimulation comes in the form of Instagram pictures, and I admit to that.

My reasons for doing this? Main reason is that I don’t want to live a life full of regrets. I don’t want to look back thinking that I could have bettered myself in this time. Moreover, I’m in Medical School – so given the links with schizophrenia, and the whole idea that it generally is a VERY time consuming act, I have been trying to kick it out of my life.

It has been a huge struggle. Very rarely have I gotten streaks of more than a week. I think I’ve done only one week proper completely free from it in the last 2/3 years since I tried to kick it out of my life. My current streak though is nearing 3 weeks, so I’m pretty satisfied that I’m finally making improvements.

What I’ve found really helpful has been the following:

  • Going to university to study (no stimulation, no bed, no computer)
  • NOT MOVING MY COMPUTER TO MY BED, leaving it on my table (really helpful I feel)
  • Initially when starting, I feel those mini-streaks are so important. They really help to keep you going – although I feel its counter productive when it suddenly becomes your longest streak sometimes
  • EXERCISE. Takes that energy and puts it into something that is a much healthier lifestyle choice

In many ways, I have felt that deep sense of guilt for doing it so long. Especially since I got a girlfriend in between who I love very much. I think that it is so vital that I kick this out of my life in order to move to a happier place.

My first post in a bit so I do hope to post a little more going forward – but exams are coming up so I might be limited till after then. Till next time!

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