Out of Love

Love. Complicated, isn’t it? Innocent and warm, cold and without reason. I guess different people with different experiences would say different things about it. Today I’m mainly just going to be venting about my personal relationship experience.

I started dating my current girlfriend about 2 years ago (between and a half to 2 years) and I guess you could say we had a very sweet and happy beginning as most people would have experienced. I will be the first to admit that the amount of effort that I put into the relationship at the beginning will definitely surpass what I do at present time. I admit that.

But I will just give a few explanations for myself and just say how I feel about my relationship at press time. I was definitely the one who put in the effort, to fix what she was unhappy about in the relationship. I shall give a few examples of that. On her birthdays I would, during my exam period prepare a song and an instrument that kind of thing. I would search desperately for a present and actually find a place she would like to eat at. I would buy the flowers for her if needed, I would buy a soft toy if she was upset. I even cut a very close (female – I’m male) friend just because she had insecurities. I literally can’t talk to that (used to be) close friend without it being awkward now. I have make a ridiculous amount of sacrifices in this relationship.

I will admit that maybe I wouldn’t do as much of her as before, but quite frankly, its because I feel she has never tried. Let me get one thing straight. This is not a one sided relationship, because I know she loves me very much. But sometimes I feel that her demands are not in line with what she gives in the relationship. The one moment that I normally go back to is my birthday a year back. What she basically did was buy me something from a thrift store and booked me a restaurant which wasn’t particularly of my liking. If you ask me, that is the least effort I have seen anyone give to me for just about anything. And this was considering a few things: it was a long holiday period, so she had AGES to think about it, and b) I would have expected that bit of effort more because she wasn’t actually around in the 3 week window around my birthday.

The best part? My birthday comes around and no call, no effort almost. It was just upsetting to say the least for me. Sometimes I feel that I’m around only for Instagram and Snapchat posts, so it really infuriates me.

Apart from that, I mean of course I’m pissed. All she does is make excuses for a whole lot of things, whilst she is happy to upset me by doing things that she knows I hate.

I’ll probably be doing a part 2 of this post pretty soon because its pretty heavy. We are still together, but I am having some lingering thoughts in my head. Can someone I guess offer your thoughts? I’m willing to answer anything not that clear.

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